Raining Tears
That day rained with sadness. The rain was my tears dripping down my face. It's been a few weeks since my mother's death, and my room is still filled with puddles of tears. My dad actually handled it better than me, it was the first time I saw him cry.
We were packing boxes and I got to pack my mom's things. Before I taped the first one, I put my hand in the box and felt her warm hugs, the smell of her favorite perfume, and her loving kisses. Surprisingly, I felt the kiss right on my cheek. I opened my eyes and saw my mom, realizing it was just a dream.
I felt really felt sad at the start but the end really surprised. Good punctuation too.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I really like the descriptive language.
ReplyDeleteIn your 2nd paragraph maybe say, " We were packing boxes and I got to pack my moms things" Awesome job!
Your story was really good! And thank god it was a dream. Only one thing is that in your second paragraph you wrote "int", I think you mean "in", you just need to change that but other than that, you story is really good!
ReplyDeleteWow! I loved the ending! Your story is very good, and very well put together, though I think you can replace a few of your words with more powerful language that would tie the story together.
ReplyDeleteYour story was a little confusing, and why were you packing boxes? Also this sentence is a little confusing:
ReplyDelete"Surprisingly, my dad handled it better than me, it was the first time I saw him cry."
I'm not sure how the "it was the first time I saw him cry." fits into that sentence, same with the surprisingly.